Story time with Mateo

Erika: 

So in my mind, my formal announcement about the pregnancy happened on our Anniversary, on our August 25th post Maybe Baby, but apparently, it was not.

 The other day I posted to my social media an updated picture of Lil Perales and a link to the last post, and that (unintentionally) ended up being the actual official announcement. Surprise! 

Regardless of when people have found out about our news, the enthusiasm, love, and support has been much more than I had anticipated, SO unexpected and SO appreciated.  

Another announcement we made this past week was to the big brother.

About two years ago, maybe longer, Mateo and I started reading Grown in Another Garden by Crystal Falk, who also wrote Sophia's Broken Crayons (the book I gave to Tina's children several years ago.) The first time I read it, he was a little over two. 

The book is great and compares pregnancy to gardening and having room for things to grow. However, it also jumps from gardening to pregnancy pretty abruptly and during that first read, Mateo's little face was stunned. I realized though, it wasn't at the fact that he didn't grow in my belly, but the fact that babies grow in bellies. Period. Lol. I had never explained that part to him and so it took some time for him to wrap his head around that idea, let alone the idea of surrogacy.  But over the last couple of years, we've continually read that book and more recently began looking at his baby album which shows photos leading up to his birth and then through his the first year of life. 

We also recently purchased Wanted by Carolina Robbiano, which explains the process of surrogacy in a bit more length and detail. Although I do think it's a bit long for Mateo, the illustrations are cute and the fact that it's bilingual is a huge plus. 

 

     So he has really started to grasp the idea of surrogacy and fully understands now who Tina is and the love that she was able to give him during that time and continues to give him now.

Since about the age of two, Mateo has continually found interest in playing with the baby doll that we used in our baby classes before he arrived. He has always played with this doll, who he typically calls his baby sister (but on occasion is his baby brother), feeding it, burping it, singing to it... all the things. 

This is Mateo with his doll at two. 

Last Fall, Mateo really started asking about a sibling. He would talk to his preschool teacher, his Nana, his Abuelita, and us about having a sibling. He's told us his plans about what he would like to teach his baby sibling: how to walk, talk, sing, and all about Star Wars. 

His other plan is to have at least two siblings.  He wants them to be twins. A boy and a girl. (You can guess what he wants to name them.) He will not back down, but I've told him repeatedly how lucky he would be to just have one.

And though the sibling dream has been on-going for the last couple of years, over the last few months, Mateo has started asking more about babies and bodies. He's asked:

How do babies get in the belly?

Why can't your body grow a baby?

How does a baby get out of the belly?

Can I make a baby?

What are testicles? (This has its own very special story that I will gladly tell you if you ask.)

So here comes the best baby book I have ever read, ever. I had actually found it years ago when I had only just started to think about what it would take to have a baby. I'd seen a little preview about 7 or 8 years ago and knew that one day I would buy that book for our kid. 

It's called What Makes a Baby by Cory Silverberg and it explains it all, without saying too much, and has been the perfect book to answer Mateo's most pressing questions in a way that he understands. It's totally age-appropriate and the illustrations by Fiona Smyth are my absolute FAVORITE.

We've been reading this book for the last couple of weeks and Mateo LOVES it. This past weekend I decided to add a surprise ending. Wait for it... It is so worth it. It's not the entire book, but I clipped together bits and pieces.

Click this link to watch the video.

"Baby,

I feel excited about being a big brother because it’s very very nice because I get to treat you nicely. I will show you how to do grown up stuff. I will teach you to talk and to walk. I will hold you when you cry and I will make funny jokes to make you laugh.

Baby, I love you so. Baby, have a good time in Florencia’s belly. Baby, I’m gonna hold you when you’re out. Come soon. Be a good baby."

Your Big Brother, Mateo

Meet Mateo

Mateo Luis Perales  "Teo"  Born: June 7th 2016 at 8:41am  Weight: 7lb 11oz  Height: 20" 3/4

Erika:

The night before Mateo entered our lives, we'd finally let go of any bits of stress or worry, and we finally felt "ready" to meet Baby Perales. (I swear that even after meeting him, I just kept calling him Baby. It felt weird, at first, calling him by his name.) The week before, I felt nauseous even thinking about finally becoming parents. But that morning, when we got the call, the ish really got real!

Luis: 

In the fog of half asleep and half awake I know as the pre alarm early morning, I stretched my hand out searching the bed franticly for the buzz of an alarm. Erika’s phone was the culprit, but in this case it was not the alarm that set off the noise but two missed messages from Tina. From what I remembered it went something like, counting contractions ……headed to hospital. I softly tapped Erika on the shoulder with the phone. She was not happy. As a matter of fact she said in a code yellow voice “stop. tapping. me.” As soon as I mentioned it was from Tina. The whites of her eyes lit the room. It was go time. 

On the drive to the hospital I felt calm, positive and open minded to how everything was going to play out. No expectation. I was just going to let the birth come to me.

This song started playing as we pulled up to the hospital.

It then continued playing on our ride home from the hospital.

This was the Chet Baker version from a mix CD a dear friend gave us. 

Things don’t always happen as we plan. In a seemingly short three hour span of doctors coming in asking questions, typing up forms on the computer and offering a variety of possible scenarios, I could tell by the tone of their voices, this was not going to go as planned. The seriousness of childbirth smacked me in the face. No one ever said the words that baby or Tina were in danger, but in the back of my head I thought it. As quickly as we got to the hospital, the doctors prepared Tina for the operation. In an unplanned scenario, Erika was allowed in the operating room with Ricky.  I was left to sit and wait 4 feet from the door. 

Erika: 

The decision to let me go back there was very unexpected. The nurses decided, last minute, to give me an extra set of scrubs so that I could be there to witness the birth of our baby. I didn't even have time to think. If I could compare it to something, it kind of felt like pushing me out of an airplane without being told how to use the parachute.

Tina's husband and I were directed as to where we could be during the surgery. I stood by, tense and quiet, watching and waiting on the "action side" of the partition. There were a lot of doctors in there and I didn't really have a clear view. But the second I saw baby's little knee, my heart stopped and I totally lost it.  Before I knew it, they lifted baby up and a nurse called out, "What do we have?!" Then the doctor announced, "It's a boy!" They were holding Mateo. 

...I don't know how I stayed standing in those first moments. 

Once they had him wiped down, I was motioned to come over and trim the chord. Totally not mentally prepared for that. We'd always discussed that Luis would be doing that part. So I shakily held the scissors and cut through the chewy tube. They then carried him over so Tina and her husband could meet him. I only wish she could have seen me see him for the first time. Through the rush of all of the stuff that went down in the hospital, Tina was always calm and focused. It really helped me to see her have such peace.

They then wrapped him up and handed him to me. I could not believe it. I was looking at my baby. I was holding my son. 
Whaaaaaa....? 

The next thing I got to do was walk out of the room and introduce him to Luis.

Luis: 

Before Erika came out I cried…. I cried not for sadness or fear. I cried for joy. The tears, conversations, frustrations, dreams and prayers given to this moment and to this little life was about to make its way into the world. In a few minutes, I would be a father. I had passed the time softly whispering the names that we planned. They were both beautiful. I knew the operation was over as several doctors started to open and leave the room. Two or three had walked by and said some positive comments “baby has a really good cry,” “everything went well,” “ they will be right out.” 

Erika gingerly walked through the door holding our little baby and she managed to get out the words, "here is our baby Mateo." 

Words would be inadequate to express the feeling of seeing your baby for the first time. I think the most important thing that came from that moment was the realization that I could no longer say would be. I can now write I am a father. I am a dad. I have a son.

Our first selfie. He had a small fever, so we hung out in the nursery for a few hours.

We then spent the next few days in NICU so he could get treated for a possible infection.
It felt like a lifetime.

                                      

Having Mateo finally disconnected from all of the wires and monitors from NICU was the most fantastic thing! He was finally ready to come home!!!

Finally in his own bed.

This is a page from Sophia's Broken Crayons,
the book I gave Tina's kids which explained everything so beautifully.

Since that first day, we've just been chillin at home. We're a happy little family, just figuring out this new life.

Yesterday at his first pediatrician appointment! The doctor said he's perfect! 

Happy One Week!!!

He's my new accessory.

First family photo.

Oh wait! We forgot somebody!!!

Poh-fection.

"It's been a week and we still cannot believe you're here! We've already endured so much together in just that short time. Tears, tests, midnight freak outs, even earthquakes. Every time we look at you, we are in awe of who you might become. We'll look back at these first moments as if they were from another lifetime, but we plan on soaking up every second with you. I want time to freeze and somehow live in these moments forever. But I know that over the days and years to come, we're going to have many more amazing moments together. And we'll just continue to breathe as we watch you grow and as we fumble through this new life as parents."
---excerpt from a letter to our baby


Arlene recorded this real quick of us showing Mateo the world, while also calming him down after a cry in the hallways. "We're pretty good."

Untitled from Erika Perales on Vimeo.

...and then our hearts exploded.

"14 years ago Daddy said "one day we'll have a family.' ...That time is now. You are our little gift from heaven, a hope we held onto for years....  I can't believe you're here... I can't believe you're ours.... I look at you in total amazement and awe. As you lay on my chest, I hear your little breath... and feel it against my skin. I'm addicted. You are the most mellow little man and I know you had a rough day today.... But I promise I will always be here to love you, comfort you, and hold your hand. We love you with a love so big and so strong. You are the absolute love of our life. Thank you for letting us love you, our mighty Mateo."
---excerpt from a letter to our baby

Last Christmas

Erika:

We're thankful for this Christmas season and looking forward to the ones ahead.  This is officially our last Christmas together as two. Everything will be different next year and I'm excited and nervous for it all. (I've been eating my way through the excitement and have definitely gained some... a ton... of sympathy weight. At my birthday earlier this month my dad asked, "So... are you eating for two also?")

This season has been filled with baby stuff already... thinking about baby, researching stuff about baby, thinking about what baby is gonna need, receiving so many new and loved gifts for baby, and spending time talking and sharing our anticipation with everyone. Even my dad has started to come around and ask more questions and told me he'd been suppressing his excitement, but that he finally feels like he can share his happiness.

Even with all the business of the season, we were able to take time and celebrate.

Tina, thank you for helping us pick out our Christmas tree this year!
Your kiddos did a good job finding the perfect one!

And thank you for coming over for some delicious Abuelita's hot chocolate and cookies.
You guys are welcome any time.
(And Shiela... thank you for the mug!)

We'll be heading to Mexico this New Years and I'm excited to welcome 2016 with our family for the first time in a long time. I think they're excited to share the love for baby also!

To all of you reading...
Thank you for taking time to follow our story and watch it all unfold. We hope you all have a safe and happy New Year.

2016 is going to be a life changer.




"I cannot wait to celebrate Christmas with you and start all of our own brand new traditions as a family and share the old ones with you too. We're a big crazy family. You're going to LOVE it."
---excerpt from a letter to our baby

A Very Thankful Year

Erika:

      Before writing this entry I went through and read all the ones preceding it. It kind of took my breath away to see where God has taken us in such a relatively short amount of time. We are beyond thankful for everything this last year has brought us. We cannot even really begin to describe just how excited we are for this next year. We are finally REALLY excited.

I made this at a workshop last weekend. 

For those of you who are visiting our blog for the first time... there is actually something we need to let you in on.... We've hit a milestone. Having been together as long as we have... I feel like each section of our life has not just been a different "chapter." Each has been a full on novel in its own right. Having survived our awkward teenage years... aimlessly sprinted through our twenties... now in our thirties we are beginning to write a new book and introduce a new character.

This coming Sunday we will officially be 13 weeks pregnant, via gestational surrogacy. As unconventional as our means to get here may be... God has been there with us every step of the way; through the planning, the research, when telling family and friends about our plans... through the shots and the hormones, financially and emotionally, through the disappointments and those moments of anticipation, utter shock and joy, He has been there to see us through.

Luis:

This time of year is of course known for the food and family gatherings. And I know it’s Erika’s favorite time of the year. I have slowly gotten around to being a bit more joyful and in the “spirit” of the season. I have in the past, thought that we should be like this year round and not just during these two months. It’s kind of how I feel about my birthday sometimes. It's just another day, nothing should be different. 

This thanksgiving however IS a little different. This year we have something that being thankful for is just not enough. Our journey to grow our family has included many people mentioned and not mentioned in this blog. This Thanksgiving, I am grateful for all of those who have given life to our baby. There are many people in our fertility circle that have chosen a humble profession and dedicated their lives to help people like Erika and I. There are people like Tina and her family who have given their lives aiding in giving life to another. Then there are family and friends who have supported us with words of encouragement, love, and understanding. There are few moments in the year that we focus on thanking these people. So I’m happy there is a season to say in words, prayers, and thoughts how Thankful I am. If you're reading this, thank you and know that I love you. 

Here is a look at baby at 10 weeks. The size of a kumquat, I think.

Baby 10wks from Erika Perales on Vimeo.


Feel free to follow our blog to get updates on how our little Blueberry is doing. We love hearing from you guys in comments, calls, texts, or in person!



"We are thankful for your 10 little fingers and your 10 little toes, and your cute little chin.... that you are growing healthy and strong and are beginning to wiggle around. You are the biggest blessing we could have ever wished for and we grow more and more thankful each day." ---excerpt from a letter to our baby