Story time with Mateo

Erika: 

So in my mind, my formal announcement about the pregnancy happened on our Anniversary, on our August 25th post Maybe Baby, but apparently, it was not.

 The other day I posted to my social media an updated picture of Lil Perales and a link to the last post, and that (unintentionally) ended up being the actual official announcement. Surprise! 

Regardless of when people have found out about our news, the enthusiasm, love, and support has been much more than I had anticipated, SO unexpected and SO appreciated.  

Another announcement we made this past week was to the big brother.

About two years ago, maybe longer, Mateo and I started reading Grown in Another Garden by Crystal Falk, who also wrote Sophia's Broken Crayons (the book I gave to Tina's children several years ago.) The first time I read it, he was a little over two. 

The book is great and compares pregnancy to gardening and having room for things to grow. However, it also jumps from gardening to pregnancy pretty abruptly and during that first read, Mateo's little face was stunned. I realized though, it wasn't at the fact that he didn't grow in my belly, but the fact that babies grow in bellies. Period. Lol. I had never explained that part to him and so it took some time for him to wrap his head around that idea, let alone the idea of surrogacy.  But over the last couple of years, we've continually read that book and more recently began looking at his baby album which shows photos leading up to his birth and then through his the first year of life. 

We also recently purchased Wanted by Carolina Robbiano, which explains the process of surrogacy in a bit more length and detail. Although I do think it's a bit long for Mateo, the illustrations are cute and the fact that it's bilingual is a huge plus. 

 

     So he has really started to grasp the idea of surrogacy and fully understands now who Tina is and the love that she was able to give him during that time and continues to give him now.

Since about the age of two, Mateo has continually found interest in playing with the baby doll that we used in our baby classes before he arrived. He has always played with this doll, who he typically calls his baby sister (but on occasion is his baby brother), feeding it, burping it, singing to it... all the things. 

This is Mateo with his doll at two. 

Last Fall, Mateo really started asking about a sibling. He would talk to his preschool teacher, his Nana, his Abuelita, and us about having a sibling. He's told us his plans about what he would like to teach his baby sibling: how to walk, talk, sing, and all about Star Wars. 

His other plan is to have at least two siblings.  He wants them to be twins. A boy and a girl. (You can guess what he wants to name them.) He will not back down, but I've told him repeatedly how lucky he would be to just have one.

And though the sibling dream has been on-going for the last couple of years, over the last few months, Mateo has started asking more about babies and bodies. He's asked:

How do babies get in the belly?

Why can't your body grow a baby?

How does a baby get out of the belly?

Can I make a baby?

What are testicles? (This has its own very special story that I will gladly tell you if you ask.)

So here comes the best baby book I have ever read, ever. I had actually found it years ago when I had only just started to think about what it would take to have a baby. I'd seen a little preview about 7 or 8 years ago and knew that one day I would buy that book for our kid. 

It's called What Makes a Baby by Cory Silverberg and it explains it all, without saying too much, and has been the perfect book to answer Mateo's most pressing questions in a way that he understands. It's totally age-appropriate and the illustrations by Fiona Smyth are my absolute FAVORITE.

We've been reading this book for the last couple of weeks and Mateo LOVES it. This past weekend I decided to add a surprise ending. Wait for it... It is so worth it. It's not the entire book, but I clipped together bits and pieces.

Click this link to watch the video.

"Baby,

I feel excited about being a big brother because it’s very very nice because I get to treat you nicely. I will show you how to do grown up stuff. I will teach you to talk and to walk. I will hold you when you cry and I will make funny jokes to make you laugh.

Baby, I love you so. Baby, have a good time in Florencia’s belly. Baby, I’m gonna hold you when you’re out. Come soon. Be a good baby."

Your Big Brother, Mateo

Tiny & Strong

Erika:

          Going through this surrogacy process and going in for appointments with our fertility clinic has given us a perspective on life and the whole babyhood process that we may not have been super aware of, otherwise. Even before transfer I used an IVF website that helped calculate and project a potential due date and it gave me all of the teeny tiny little milestones our little Baby Blast would be experiencing. 

   
      At the time of our Beta test, Baby was only 4 weeks old (poppyseed status). But even just 1 week later, the heart was going to begin contracting! It was 4 days after our positive test, well into week 5, and the heart was set to start doing its thing on October 3rd, (according to my calculator #nerd). Coincidence or not, we were out celebrating my brother's birthday that day, and I found this in my drink. <<<
      Our next appointment at week 6 was going to be a big one. This was going to be our first time hearing the heartbeat, hopefully, if detectable. Walking in there I was scared... nervous... had no idea what to expect. Keep in mind, up to this point I was still kind of everywhere with my emotions and was praying so hard that I be able to handle the day well. I was telling myself... well, it's still early, so maybe the heart won't be loud enough... we probably won't be able to see anything.... Totally psyching myself out. We met up with Tina and we were all hugs and nervous smiles. And then we went in. 

Super teeny tiny, like a lentil, it's hard to even see. We were actually twisting our heads a lot at this appointment 
trying to figure out the difference between sack and baby.

Sack is to the right. Baby is to the left... looks like a little snowman.

But then we heard it. Faint at first... then booming. At 6wks 4 days, heartbeat was at 124. "Perfect," according  to the nurse. People ask what my reaction was... and honestly I think it was PURE SHOCK. 

Jaw on the floor silence and then some nervous giggles (listen for Luis).... 

Like... Holy crap... that's our baby.... It's a little life. With a little heart. And I could hear it! Something that had seemed so far away and unattainable... was coming in loud and clear. In the video you hear it loud only for like a second, 

but I mean... just... Wow.....

Baby 6wks from Erika Perales on Vimeo.

Probably the MOST surreal moment of my life. I needed someone to slap me! ...still do!

Even earlier than this, Tina told us that she had started feeling nauseous, exhausted, and she was having a hard time cooking meat. All great symptoms for pregnancy, but we wanted to help her out in any way we could. We got her a goodie bag filled with things she'd said helped her during her other pregnancies and a few extras.

We also got her a book to read to her kids about surrogacy called, "Sophia's Broken Crayons." It is such a sweet book, that explains surrogacy from the perspective of a child and was written by a surrogate. It's beautifully written and gives lots of great information about the whole process.

Luis:

In a traditional pregnancy you would have the opportunity to surprise or find a unique way of telling your parents that they are becoming grandparents. My mother has been waiting for a long time to be a grandma. A long time. Within the first year of being married she even had a dream playset built in their backyard (Erika calls it the Field of Dreams move). 

Over the years, she has adopted many of my friends children as her own and I guess I really did not understand her excitement to have a grandchild. Now as we get the gift of a heartbeat it sinks in for me that this cycle of life and death is something that happens to all of us as we mature. We spend so much time, patience, energy, love in raising our own children that the idea of that child that we raised doing the same to another life is a completion of a cycle. There was no big surprise or no crazy elaborate trickery in telling my parents. The sole beat of a heart was enough. And according to the strength of that beat my mother is certain it will be a "baron" aka boy.  

As much happiness as I have in soon becoming a parent, it brings me even more joy to know our child is going to have a family surrounding them that has been through many rough times, celebrations, and growth. More importantly it has a heart ready to be filled with love. 

Erika:

For the record, I think the heartbeat would be just as strong, girl or boy.

"It's crazy that someone so tiny can have a heartbeat so strong.... Hearing your heart has made ours full." 
---excerpt from a letter to our baby