Daddy Hood

Luis:

In my younger 20s I always said I could see myself as a stay at home dad. I’ve always loved to cook, I like to clean, and I tend to have the energy and outlook that I might need to keep up with a baby. I know it is not very “manly” or expected in the latino culture. As a matter of fact, most of my friends and family members gave me odd looks when I told them I was taking so much time off. But we'd waited and prayed for so long that I could not see any other option but to hang out with my little dude for as much time as I could.

                   

For 34 working days, I got to stay at home and bond with my baby boy. By now Mateo was 5 months old, could recognize me, was laughing at my weird faces, could sit, roll, and had a solid bottom baby tooth which was ready to start munching on whatever he could get his hands on.

I knew that I did NOT want to be a home body. Mateo was a pretty well-seasoned traveler by this point, having already hit the road up through Northern California and into Oregon. So I made a list of things we could do:
parks, hikes, swimming, museums, farmers markets, learn a new language etc. I'd say that we would get out of the house every other day for sure. In the mornings I would get a laugh when I went to the store to buy things and see all of the OC mama’s in their yoga pants and Starbucks cups and here I was with my basketball shorts and little man in a carrier in front of me strolling down the aisle buying tri-colored quinoa.

I was also able to introduce Mateo to solids.
By 7mo he was having: sweet potato, avocado,
carrots, squash, banana, apples, cinnamon, & nutmeg

Some other things we did….

With Erika back to work I was lucky enough to take Mateo to basketball practice, where I coach high schoolers. This  was always an adventure. I would have to divide my time between trying to coach and making sure Mateo was happy. By mid practice he was most likely in the carrier, faced out, looking around at the team running around, with us (the coaches) yelling at them to stay in a defensive stance, run a play, rebound... all those darn things high schoolers never do consistently. The JV players who were on the sidelines were the most curious guys. They would often walk over to the stroller when Mateo was in there. I would scream across the gym “don’t touch my baby!!!” After all,  who knows where those unwashed hands had been all day.

Our typical Tuesday would be a 9 am walk around Irvine Park with a visit to the farmers market right afterward. The loop around the park was a solid 3 miles which took about an hour. We did the walk in the heat, cold, wind, and rain. Mateo has always liked looking up at the trees. I tried several times to point out the peacocks that would be roaming the area, but he could not care less.

Our farthest trip we had together was to L.A. Exposition Park where we spent a few hours at the Natural History Museum and saw the space shuttle Endeavor. He liked the dino skeletons and the elephants the most at the Museum. I tried my best to talk about the different animals on display. The time we spent at the Endeavor was more for me than for him. Growing up I always wanted to fly airplanes a-la "Top Gun." My bad eyes ruined my chances of being a pilot, so now I dream through my son. I can envision that one day he might be one of the fortunate few who get to be on the space shuttle headed beyond the Moon to Mars. I told him my dreams for this as he drank his lunch next to Endeavour.

 

In between these trips were the seemingly mundane parts of parenting, that actually made my bonding time more special. Even just holding him high above me, then bringing him down so I could give him a kiss, while he giggled the whole time. Changing his diaper early in the morning (with no rush) while he’d babble, telling me about his dreams and grabbing his feet.


Perhaps my favorite, was having him fall asleep on me. I could have a massive list of things to do, but when he’d fall asleep on my chest or shoulder there was nothing I could do but stay on that couch until he lifted his head up with a smile and rosy cheeks, glad to know I was still there.

Initially, going back to work was not something I dreaded. I enjoy my job. I like what I do. But about a month into it, I even told Erika, "I don't know how you did it." I seriously started to question my options.

Classic 'Washing Machine"

Now at seven months, he has 2 teeth, can sit, scoot backwards (moonwalk), and spin like a turn table. As the time came to go back to the classroom it was good to know, we had two eager grandparents who were waiting patiently for my days to end so they could spend all their days with Mateo. The first time I dropped him off at my mom's house I could see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice that she had been waiting for that day for a long time. She was quick to hand me some food, coffee, and shoo me off to work.

Just some of the pictures taken during time with Las Abuelas. 

"I don’t know what my relationship with my you would have been like without this time off. I doubt that any of these last 10 weeks will stick to your long term memory or that I’ll even remember all of the small milestones you went though. But even just the simple connection we have built, has made this time well worth it. When I look at you, without hesitation, you instantly shoot a big smile back at me. And for that I would do it all over again."

---expert from a letter to our baby

       

In the Mess & the Miracles

Erika:

A year ago today I climbed the pyramid of the Sun with my dad. 

We looked forward to celebrating the start of 2016.

Ensima del sol. NYE 2015

Two days later, our entire family would face one of the most painful and trying times of our life. 

Here is an excerpt from my post last January, "The Year Of..."

"2015 had taught me many things, but the biggest is how out of control we are in this life. 2016 started with an undeniable reminder... All I can do is have hope that things will be better, and understand that it's a new day every morning."

In the hospital in Mexico last January.

As angry, resentful, and helpless as I know we all felt at times
throughout this incredibly difficult and unpredictable year, I can't help but look back
and see all of the joy, hope, and healing that this year brought us. 

Only a couple of weeks old.

God was there with us in the middle of the mess and the miracles.
And I know He'll continue to be as we go into 2017. 

These little bear booties represent all the hope we held onto all year.

We've all come a long way.
NYE 2016

"Mateo, you were the light our family needed in a pretty dark time. Even while you were in Tina's belly, you were giving us hope for the future. You connect with Papa and everyone you meet in such a special way. I've seen you bring love and comfort to people in the middle of loss, just by letting them hold you. As crazy as everything got around us and in the world, we could always look at you to be reminded of God's promises, and of His unending, unconditional love. You will forever be the light of our life. Our most special gift." 

---excerpt from a letter to our baby

This Christmas

Erika:

I love Christmas.

That is an understatement.

I FREAKING LOVE EVERYTHING about this season. The music, the movies, the feelings, the smells, the parties, the food, the tinsel, and the trees.... My love for the season has everything to do with how I was raised, and I am super, forever grateful for that.

He could not be any happier.

Having been back at work now for about a month, it was nice to get these days back with him.

This Christmas we did all of our usual traditions, but with Mateo right there with us. I really tried to take in each thing we did as a new family, and even though I know he won't remember this one (nor even the next couple of Christmases) I made sure to sing all the songs as often as possible... put him in as many different Christmas outfits and beanies... did the Santa thing... watched the Christmas classics... and even added a tradition.

Santa must have had a long day.

Mateo made a much better Santa.

                                         
Luis decided we should take a Christmas Eve hike this year, while listening to all of my favorite holiday songs. I was definitely jingle-belling all the way.

                            

Me, Mateo, Tina, and Lilly! He always loves seeing them. <3

At a mommy and me Christmas party! This was the
bow from Mateo's very first Christmas present!

As far as gifts, Luis and I got each other "the gift of nothing."
Because all we ever wanted, is sleeping upstairs in the nursery.

Incidentally, we didn't really get Mateo anything either. All we got him was a box filled with tissue and wrapping paper.


He freakin' loved it.

I ended last year's Christmas post by saying, "2016 is going to be a life changer."

There has never been a truer statement.


Beyond all of the complications and heartache of the year is this "tiny" gift that we received, right smack dab in the middle of the madness, which has provided us with an endless amount of faith, joy, hope, and Love... and not just for me, but for our entire family. And we thank God every day for him.

"Merry Christmas baby!!! Pretty sure this was my most favorite Christmas. It brought us so much joy to celebrate this time with you. Waking up on Christmas morning to hear you cooing from your room, cuddles with you while listening to Christmas music... best present ever. Thank you for being such an amazing little man. Christmas from now on will only be better and better each year. Watching how you'll experience and enjoy it through the years is something I'll always look forward to."
---excerpt from a letter to our baby

Teach me how to stop time...

two week photo shoot with my former student and one of my favorite souls. ---p/c Kelsey Hart

Erika:

As cliche as it is... they really do grow up so fast. Time really does fly. And I wonder every day where the time is actually going.... Mateo has been with us for one month. He is one month old. Thinking back on the lifetime before him is almost impossible. And even looking back on our whole surrogacy process, it's unreal to think that just a year ago we were getting ready for our first transfer.

As I work on Teo's baby book and some photo albums (like actual albums with pages!) it's crazy to look back and see where we were, not that long ago. To see how much hope we were holding onto during this process. To see how much trust and faith we had that one day we were going to meet Mateo.

one week photo shoot with my awesome friend Cory! ---p/c Cory Kendra

And now he's here. In our home. We've started to get to know him and figure out our routine. I can honestly say, 100%, that Luis is amazing at this being a dad stuff. He is so involved and so hands on, and he has really been such a blessing. We are a team and we have been conscious of working together at this parenthood thing, allowing each other to find time to rest when we need to.

---p/c Cory Kendra

---p/c Cory Kendra

Mateo sleeps between 4-6 hours at night, so that has been awesome. He's been doing that pretty much since his second week. He is still really mellow and only sounds his crazy alarm when he's hungry and we are not moving fast enough. Mateo keeps us on our toes. He also has night wrestling matches with his swaddle blanket. Eventually, he wins.

sneaky hand, always makes its way out.   ---p/c Cory Kendra

He has also been growing and changing so much! (And I'm kind of nervous about this 4 week leap that I've heard so much about.) He's lifting his head up, making eye contact, and cooing and smiling in the mornings. When I wake up with him, I'll lay him right between us and we'll just stare at and talk to each other. Yesterday, I swear, we were playing a game together. I would stick my tongue out and he would copy me! It was seriously the most fun game ever. Luis was even impressed! We did that for like 2 minutes, until he got bored. But it was amazing! Between that and simply having him  fall asleep on my chest, those have been some of the most enjoyable parts of motherhood thus far.

Poh has been getting used to the new family dynamics as well. He had a hard time trying to figure out what he was the first few days. With all of his squeaks and cries, Poh was pretty confused and really just wanted to lick him all over to figure it out. Obviously, we didn't let him, but he has snuck in a kiss here and there. Now Poh only cries when Mateo cries. Not sure if he's concerned or annoyed. But I think he's learning to love him. 

---p/c Cory Kendra

 "HELP!!! The fluffy beast is touching me!!!" ---p/c Kelsey Hart 

We've also had lots of awesome visitors bring us meals and other goodies over the last few weeks and we are so thankful for all of the company and joy people are sharing with us. Our families come over all the time and, needless to say, they are obsessed. We all are.

on our first family walk around the neighborhood.

Everyone has also been asking about Tina. She is amazing and we've actually visited each other a few times in the last month. She is healing well and our visits are always awesome. Her kids absolutely love Mateo. She's been a continued blessing in our life and I am still trying to wrap my head around it all. I think that might take me a lifetime.

Luis:

So I have to admit that that there is a big difference in what I knew love was before and after Mateo. I think about this guy everyday, in all moments. I have been able to get out a bit more than Erika by golfing and going to basketball practice. However, being physically apart does not stop me from thinking about how he is doing, has he slept, did he eat, is he happy, was he crying. This bundle of a human has hijacked me. I love it.

watching soccer together.

I have been proactive in being as involved as possible. Not to be some super dad or to impress the wife with my skills, but to be there for my family. Half the battle of being a father is just being there. As Erika mentioned, we have done a great job working together so far. I hope to continue learning what Mateo and Erika need from me. It is a new and growing relationship for all three of us.

He loves Dumbo.

Being a dad as of now is exactly how I envisioned it. I have told people who have asked how is it going, by responding, "Eat, Sleep, Poop." Which Erika told me is the title of an actual baby book.
My most fearful part of this early stage was not knowing the routine, but by now we kinda know what to expect and have started to pick up on those small noises and cues of his, Mateo's attempt at communicating to us. His hand movements remind me of the SNL skit the with boss who has the body of a baby. And I'd be lying if I said I haven't already acted out my own version, impersonating Mateo and lack of arm control.

Luis loves wearing him.

Perhaps the most difficult part has been trying to stay awake late at night on the rocker as he goes to sleep. Mateo's sleeping routine is my favorite. It starts with his head rocking back and forth, left to right, then slowly his eyes start to roll behind this eye lids, and it finishes with him giving us a milk drunk smile, as he squeaks out sighs of happiness.

early morning smiles.

---p/c Kelsey Hart

---p/c Cory Kendra

---p/c Kelsey Hart

    

"Mateo, you've been the most exciting part of our day, every day for the last month. Watching you start to recognize and respond to us has brought us both so much joy and we absolutely delight in all that you do. Still excited for the lifetime of days ahead and to watch you grow at lightning speed. I only wish that I could stop time to make sure that I am fully absorbing each of these moments with you. There are so many that sometimes I feel like it's all happening at once!" ---excerpt from a letter to our baby

Early morning hangouts. I never used to be a morning person. I am now.

         

---p/c Cory Kendra