Maybe Baby

Luis:

All days are normal until they are not. The Covid Quarantine has blurred the days of the week to a repetitive Groundhog Day.  However, with all of the baby business going on, it’s definitely brought us some excitement to the routine. 

This day, towards the end of our summer, was just like any other over the last several months and began with a child begging us to get up. We were looking forward to the official blood test scheduled for the following week, but we also knew Florencia had a couple of pregnancy tests that we gave her, in case she wanted to test it out beforehand. Although we never specifically asked her to pee or not to pee, we knew she might be antsy. 

Erika and Florencia texting earlier that day.

So Florencia and the family came to our house later that night. We gathered in the kitchen and let the kids play. Florencia handed Erika a card. Inside there was a drawing of a pregnancy stick (see below). We have no experience with these so the indicator lines meant very little to us. I think initially I thought, “Yeah, that's what we want, we want the line to appear.” Erika even said, “Yup. Positive or negative. Either way! Let’s see what happens.” Our faces of confusion must have been enough for Florencia to take and she immediately handed over the prego box that we'd purchased.

via Friends on GIPHY

This was us trying to figure out what Florencia was trying to tell us.

Again we thought, “Umm, Erika’s pee is not going to tell us anything, so...” Our confused faces were clear and Florencia said, “Open it.” The confusion continued as we looked at the seemingly unopened pregnancy box. But in true Florencia fashion, she had meticulously opened, peed, and repackaged the box. She had known the results for two days. I think after the congratulations from Alan, he mentioned that this was the longest secret Florencia had kept in her life. 

I hate to compare, but I will anyway. When we were going through this process with Baby #1, my every other thought was about Baby. The possibilities, the unknowns, the next steps if the transfer worked. The outcomes were endless to think about so it was constantly something on my mind. This time has been more straightforward. No retrieval process, no agency back and forth, and I wasn’t there for the transfer either (missed out on the giggles), and so I’ve felt more distant from the process and maybe less emotional. 

Nonetheless, I think most of these distant feelings started to fade once I saw the pregnancy test. The news of a pregnancy is usually a private and personal experience. We, however, got that news in a unique way. No less special. We found out our family was growing surrounded and delivered by our friends. Have my distant feelings changed? Yes. Have the uncertainties of restarting parenthood started to hit me? Yes. But this time we have Mateo to look at for inspiration. We don’t know much about Baby #2 yet, but I hope it knows it will be loved by us as much and as if it was our only.

Erika:

So even with the amazing news of the pregnancy test, there was still another hurdle to jump. The blood test. They look for HCG levels above 100. She went in to take the test later the following week and we didn't hear from her all day. I tried not to worry or over-think and really tried to keep myself distracted. 

Mateo and I were watching Star Wars in the evening and through our partially cracked blinds, I saw someone come up to our door. I didn't really think about it and assumed it was someone dropping off a package or a flyer. So I didn't get up. 

About ten minutes later, I see someone pass by the window again. Why would someone still be out there?

So I get up to find Florencia hopping back into her truck after creating some sneaky street art on our doorstep. She got caught! Amazing numbers!

Two days later the numbers needed to have doubled.
HCG for the second test was 595!

Luis, throughout this whole process and even last time, has had the same mantra. 

“So far so good.” So I’m going to stick with that for now, 

and just be in awe of each moment we get, 

each time just one breath closer, 

and with each exhale say, “So far, so good.”

"There is so much love coming together to bring you into the world right now, and your little life is a miracle we've prayed for. Keep growing baby. You’re in good hands." 

---excerpt from a letter to our new baby

transfers & tattoos

It still blows my mind that Florencia is doing all this. And to add to the fact that we've done all this independently this time around is pretty empowering. From the early stages of planning, appointments, looking through contracts, discussing possibilities on the couch... we've come so far. And her giddiness has been contagious. 

Pictured above: Our first appointment at the clinic in the winter, the boys discussing non-baby stuff, Florencia and Alan checking off boxes, Florencia jokingly putting chocolates into the contract, and another late night at the house making plans and discussing possibilities.

Though we were on quite a roll, we'd decided to take a pause for the last four months, waiting for more clarity from our clinic and a general peace about a timeline. 

Over time, and after conversations with the doctor and each other, we all slowly began to feel good about the possibility and decided on a date. Also, we speak in mostly gifs.

Leading up to transfer there was so much to prep for. Florencia would soon be starting the med protocol and I began putting together a care package for her. Though I know it's not expected, putting stuff like this together is fun for me and I feel a little more productive when it comes to the process. 

Opening the prep package.

The intention of the care package is to help ease the experience for her in any way we can. To be honest, it was mostly bandaids, that were more just cute than practical. I remember Tina had said that the heating pad helped, so I found a lavender scented one that she would use to ease injection spots.   

             

A few days before transfer, and after some research, Florencia took the initiative of buying a pineapple. They say the bromelain in the core helps make baby stick. Not sure about the science, but it's something we did before. So, it couldn't hurt!

Generosity and adoration from a close friend provided this "last meal" the night before transfer.

Once the prep was underway, transfer day arrived. One difference this time around, is they limited the number of people in the room. To be fair, it's a tiny room, so I totally understand. I really don't even know how we managed last time. Luis and I decided I would be the one to go with. I picked her up that morning and gave her some "lucky" green nail polish to put on. It was cute and she put it on with a steady hand in the car.

 

I also gave her a temporary tattoo.

 

You may remember this tattoo from Mateo's transfer. I happened to have one more left, so I set it aside a few months ago for this very day. Florencia admitted it'd been a few years since she'd worn a fake tattoo. While I drove, she used a baby wipe to adhere it to her arm. After about a minute or two she lifted her hand from her arm to reveal the words, but instead immediately threw her head into her hands and let out a loud groan. She'd forgotten to remove the plastic protector from the tattoo and permanently adhered it to the clear sheet! We both burst into laughter, and after a few minutes, she said, "Don't worry. We only need one ONE transfer to work today."

         

That pretty much set the tone for the rest of the day, which was filled with laughter. 

From the elevator ride, to the transfer room... non-stop giggles. 

It all happened quickly. Once we got into the tiny little transfer room, Florencia slipped on her green shamrock socks, and within a few short minutes, our RE arrived and was ready to go. She was accompanied by two nurses. I crammed myself into the back corner behind her head, trying to get a good look at the screen. 

As the doctor prepared for the transfer, the giggles set in. Hard. If you've ever had an ultrasound, you know they ask you to drink a lot of water beforehand, so all this laughing did not help that situation. I tried to shield my laughter, but she could see me convulsing in the corner, trying to keep it in. We even made one of the nurses giggle. At one point the RE said, "Wow. I've never had this much laughter during a transfer... It's good though. It gets rid of all the stress hormones and brings out all the happy ones."

Right before the transfer, the doctor made sure to point out exactly where we should be looking on the screen. Suddenly the door opened and there was the magic straw, the one I remember once held the tiniest speck of dust that would be Mateo. So many possibilities in that straw. Then all at once --poof. It happened. 

                                                        

Beautiful blastocyst and a “beautiful” transfer.

Click here to see the video of the moment!

Our eyes widened. The giggles stopped. Yeah, that just happened. All these moments of talking, planning, and prepping and it suddenly all got REAL. That baby bundle of cells was on its way to make itself nice and comfy for the next several months. 

Our doctor assured us that though rest is important, bedrest wasn't totally necessary. She said it was more crucial to avoid stress and simply be happy. So that's what we did. We stayed in the room for about the next 30 minutes, talking and hanging out and we actually thought they'd forgotten about us. But soon they came by to roll her out and we were on our way. We stopped to pick up some MacDonald's fries (as is tradition) and when we got back to our place, Luis had prepared a Dutch Baby (Florencia's favorite breakfast) 

and then we gave her a giant care package.

This was the plan we'd made back in the winter.
                                           

                       

      

Transfer essentials: jumbo tote bag, coloring book, colored pencils, Brownie Brittle, Pom juice, Power Berries, another pineapple (more so for symbolism), the transfer tattoo, Honey & Butter macrons, Essie nail polish, Amborella lollipop (you can plant the stick in the ground and it will grow flowers or herbs), a hand-made card my students designed to raise money for providing masks to frontline workers, a pack of seeds to grow some flowers, and a couple of pregnancy tests, in case she felt antsy. 

We continued the day relaxing and laughing, watching Baby Mama and Friends 

("The One with the Embryos"), keeping the happy hormones going. 

The plus side to the tattoo fiasco is I'll be able to permanently keep this temporary tattoo in the baby book.

Since then, we've honestly just been waiting & hoping & praying.  

We'll have another update soon.

Right now we're just trying to let the possibility and the hope settle in.

"Dear baby, 

This is our first letter to you, and we are in awe all over again. The prayers of hope that we breathe each day are for you."  

---excerpt from a letter to our new baby