Moving Right Along

After taking her goodies home,
Tina texted me after noticing what the Hallmark bag said.
"How fitting! All that we are doing to create a little bundle of joy!"

Erika:

For the last month or so, things had been moving along smoothly. The legal contract was almost finalized and we had a tentative date on the calendar for our transfer. Getting through legal wasn't as overwhelming as I'd anticipated, mainly due to our lawyer's unique perspective (except for maybe the size... it was over 60 pages... which we read through 3 times). Not only did she have experience working with Intended Parents and Surrogates, but she was an IP herself, a few years back. We felt comforted by the fact that she knew the ins and outs of this process really well and that put our minds at ease.

Seeing how things were going so well, Tina and I decided to take the kids to the beach. We packed up some snacks, brought tons of beach toys and had a really great day. The kids showed me how to dig a river for their toy boat to move down, the kids threw frisbees, we watched them chase a kite around the beach, and ate SAND-wiches. After that we stopped by their house because her daughter wanted to give me a tour and before I left she said, "Thank you!... For EVERYTHING." I think there was a lot of thankfulness being felt that day. 

A week or two later, the contracts had been reviewed and were ready to be notarized. I know that I am a grown up and should know what that is... but I don't think we'd ever had something notarized. At least I've never had to look for a notary and I didn't really know where to start. We were in a bit of a time crunch in order for our transfer date to stay the same. So, I asked Facebook if I knew anyone who could do it. I got a few responses, but the first person to get back to me was a friend I've known since Kindergarten. I sent her a message at almost midnight and explained briefly what it was for and right away she said she would do it. Problem solved! When we met up the next morning she was so excited for our news.  The notary process itself was super easy and we sent it in to our lawyer right away so that we could get the approval from our clinic. Later that day,  I received a message from my friend. Super sweet.

So now that everything was approved, the next step was to go to the clinic together for Tina's med protocol and get a finalized calendar. I had been thinking about this particular moment for a couple of years now. I'd been reading a blog (Our Misconception, which is my absolute favorite blog and source of inspiration, and helped me during the last couple of years when I started actually facing my infertility) and that's where I got this idea for a care package for Tina. I knew that if one day we got to this point, I would do all that I could to make sure that we could make the experience even just a little bit easier on our surro. We always knew this wasn't going to be an easy road, but I wanted us to help in any way we could. So I started collecting things over the last few months and was even gifted the same hanging organizer by a friend's aunt whom I've known forever. So incredibly nice!!! It was actually the same ThirtyOne Hanging Organizer that my blogger friend used and it was absolutely perfect!!! 

Here's what I included inside: bandaids, socks, a Lady Buzzy, syringes, sharps container, medications, alcohol wipes, dry erase markers, a Cycle Day calendar, See's chocolates, a heating pad for soothing the oil based shots, lavender/shea butter massage oil, Burt's Beez lip balm, prenatals, and two 3M hooks to hang up the organizer.  

Fun bandaids to keep things interesting and to distract from the pain.
It helped me with my injections and would make me less mad about being poked. 
They also serve as markers so you can remember where you did it last. 

Silly socks to keep feet warm during Dr. visits and after acupuncture.

This hilarious llama card and a Lady Buzzy to help relieve and distract from the pain of injections. 

We showed up to the clinic early that morning so we could finish setting it all up. Most of the stuff fit perfectly in here. There were some medications that didn't quite make it (there was a lot) so I put the rest in the Hallmark bag, but this was still perfect because she can hang it up and out of the way, and even use it after her surrogacy journey for other stuff.

I have really enjoyed putting this stuff together for her. It's a fun way to show our gratitude and focus on things I can do help. It keeps me looking forward so that we can keep moving right along. 

Luis:

I was anxious to meet up for this appointment at the clinic, since I had not seen Tina since our initial "interview" almost 3 months before. Erika had started to build up a relationship with her and she would keep me updated and share text conversations with me, but I felt a bit out of the loop in terms of just knowing more about her and the family and her getting to know me and us (Erika and I) together. I was the only guy there along with Erika, Tina, and our agency coordinator. 

My experience in life has taught me that no matter where or who you are with, when there is a group meeting, roles must be determined to get things done. For example, in my own life I've played the organizer, writer, speaker, questioner, transitioner, Debbie Downer, class clown, optimist, etc.... For this meeting, I had to feel my way through the conversations of babies, tattoos, parenthood, life stories to figure out how I was needed and when to chime into a conversation.

The instructions on taking the shots were long and somewhat complicated for a first timer (I wasn't at the demonstration day for Erika's shots and relied on pictures and YouTube videos). I was sitting behind Tina and I could tell by her diligent notes that she wanted to make sure she did everything right. I did my best to ask questions that might clarify possible missteps. It did not help that the nurse giving the directions was having a few issues modeling the injections herself. Our coordinator, who has been a surogate FOUR times showed Tina how to inject herself by using the edge of a table for balance. It was good to have this experienced person in the room to help calm down some of the nerves. 

I believe that if I were Tina, and had been there by myself, without anyone else in the room, I would have had some major second thoughts about this whole thing. I hope she understands and utilizes the support that is there for her. We have told her many times and there are things in place to help her and the family during this  time, and that we are all here for her when she needs it. I had the feeling that this specific meeting was the point of no return for all of us. Not in a "danger! danger!" way, but more like in a reflective "look at all that has happened to get here" type of way.

I learned long ago that life, as much as we try to get our way, is going to play out how it's supposed to. This does not mean don't prepare and pray for the positive, but believe in the bigger picture. As of right now things are still going great. Should I be afraid of that? Should I question how well things are going? I don't know how to answer that, but I figure if WE just stay positive and see the beauty, kindness and generosity of this journey any outcome is a blessing. 

"We really want you to know how many people have been praying for you and have helped out with each little step. SO many people. We get texts and calls from people who are so excited for you and wanting to help play a part in bringing you to us!" 
---excerpt from a letter to our baby

Human Pin Cushion

This is the inside of my sewing box... I haven't used it in years, but the pins are still there, waiting.

Luis:

You may want to prepare yourself for this reading with the help of my main men LMFAO and Lil Jon. Right before the first injection, Erika made this Dubsmash to help calm her nerves.

Shots! from Erika Perales on Vimeo.

While I had never really been nervous for this portion of the process, Erika had been more than a little freaked out about it. If you don’t know this by now, we tend to handle our anticipation of things a little differently. I let things come to me, play it as things go, plan and coordinate just enough to get a rough idea. Erika however, especially with this shot thing, turned pale on more than one occasion. The all powerful internet had spoken of women going crazy with pain and mood swings. And the internet is always right, NO?

So, yeah. It looks like someone's trying to start a car. It actually felt like Pop Rocks.

In addition to the shots, Erika wanting to do what she could to help the stimulation and retrieval be successful, she had done a lot of midnight research on acupuncture. After getting some recommendations from friends, she decided to go for it.

Under heat lamps in a dimmed room, it was actually pretty relaxing. First two times I stayed awake, afraid I'd roll off the bed. But on the third and last day, I passed out and took a nice 20 minute nap.

Even though she swore she'd never do acupuncture, it was just one more step she was willing to take.

Erika had mentioned to me a few months before that I would be responsible for  injecting her with a syringe daily.This brought wonderful childhood memories of my Grandma Margarita telling my mom, uncles, and even me, “Dejame ver las nalgas.” Rough translation: "Let me see the butts." As far as I knew it would be as simple as 1. open syringe 2. poke butt with syringe 3. slap the other butt to equalize pain. That's how Grandma did it. Easy. Unfortunately, we wouldn't be doing Mexican style injections for this part of the process.

Upon returning from her appointment, the clinic had gone over all of the protocol to start the the injections. Erika had brought a fairly large box of needles, various multi colored vials of powdered hormones, alcohol wipes, larger "omg do not stab me with that size" needles, and a Red Sharps Container (to toss all hazardous sharp things after each injection), along with a storybook style instruction manual, complete with pictures, on how to prepare and administer the injections. 

One night's worth of meds. Erika had bought those bandaids a few years back... just in case.

The first night of shots was more about the excitement of things than anything else. What would eventually take 5 minutes 9 other nights, was an hour ordeal the first time. I carefully looked over the manual 3 times and watched several YouTube videos to prepare right before. Erika took pictures of all of the goodies she was about to be injected with, probably as a way to distract herself from what was about to happen. I followed the instructions exactly as stated, looking at my hands, then looking back at the instruction manual, back to my hands, back at manual, over and over just to make sure things looked the same. With the syringe ready to go, the shot was placed to the side and slightly lower than her belly button, and the needle we ended up using was fairly small.  I would provide details of focusing in as I pressed down the syringe needle until it punctured Erika’s skin... but it brings back horror style flashbacks to my brain. Rather than writing out the details, take a look at the pictures below.

Last minute research...

This looks like a face you can trust, right?

He eventually became a pro.

Immediately after the first one.

The bandaids served as a good reminder. (taken by Luis)

Right there with us. Poh did a good job providing emotional support. (taken by Luis)

 

Different colors and shapes also served as incentives each day. Attempt at keeping it fun and light-hearted.

This little red box was soon filled to the brim.

I am happy to think back to the strength Erika showed during that week and a half, as she became increasingly sore, tired, and upset. I would tell her “Do it for the Baby!” ...knowing that as in most cases she just needed to laugh a little. On more than one occasion we were out with friends and we had to leave early to make sure we got her shots in by 9 P.M. Leaving something early because of "responsibilities" at home was not something that I was used to. I thought to myself that this is where it starts... and how it would one day be a blessing to have that "responsibility" we are rushing home to, be our children.

Erika did a short video documenting how it went down, just in case something went wrong and somehow she was over drugged and became the HULK. (It's a cute video, one that I will probably watch several times and not tell her.) Note: If you don't like needles, do not push play.

shots-SD (480p) from Erika Perales on Vimeo.

Erika:
I survived. All I really have to add is I think it's safe to say that I have successfully overcome my fear of needles. Luis impersonating my eggs each night also helped... imagine his high pitched voice (or that of the Gingerbread Man from Shrek) shouting, "Yaaay!!! We're going to make a baaaabyyyy!"

"It was a labor of love. We worked, we prayed, we hoped, we dreamed, we believed.... The more we did all of those things, the more we could actually see you and even feel you growing in our hearts." 
---excerpt from a letter to our baby