Teach me how to stop time...

two week photo shoot with my former student and one of my favorite souls. ---p/c Kelsey Hart

Erika:

As cliche as it is... they really do grow up so fast. Time really does fly. And I wonder every day where the time is actually going.... Mateo has been with us for one month. He is one month old. Thinking back on the lifetime before him is almost impossible. And even looking back on our whole surrogacy process, it's unreal to think that just a year ago we were getting ready for our first transfer.

As I work on Teo's baby book and some photo albums (like actual albums with pages!) it's crazy to look back and see where we were, not that long ago. To see how much hope we were holding onto during this process. To see how much trust and faith we had that one day we were going to meet Mateo.

one week photo shoot with my awesome friend Cory! ---p/c Cory Kendra

And now he's here. In our home. We've started to get to know him and figure out our routine. I can honestly say, 100%, that Luis is amazing at this being a dad stuff. He is so involved and so hands on, and he has really been such a blessing. We are a team and we have been conscious of working together at this parenthood thing, allowing each other to find time to rest when we need to.

---p/c Cory Kendra

---p/c Cory Kendra

Mateo sleeps between 4-6 hours at night, so that has been awesome. He's been doing that pretty much since his second week. He is still really mellow and only sounds his crazy alarm when he's hungry and we are not moving fast enough. Mateo keeps us on our toes. He also has night wrestling matches with his swaddle blanket. Eventually, he wins.

sneaky hand, always makes its way out.   ---p/c Cory Kendra

He has also been growing and changing so much! (And I'm kind of nervous about this 4 week leap that I've heard so much about.) He's lifting his head up, making eye contact, and cooing and smiling in the mornings. When I wake up with him, I'll lay him right between us and we'll just stare at and talk to each other. Yesterday, I swear, we were playing a game together. I would stick my tongue out and he would copy me! It was seriously the most fun game ever. Luis was even impressed! We did that for like 2 minutes, until he got bored. But it was amazing! Between that and simply having him  fall asleep on my chest, those have been some of the most enjoyable parts of motherhood thus far.

Poh has been getting used to the new family dynamics as well. He had a hard time trying to figure out what he was the first few days. With all of his squeaks and cries, Poh was pretty confused and really just wanted to lick him all over to figure it out. Obviously, we didn't let him, but he has snuck in a kiss here and there. Now Poh only cries when Mateo cries. Not sure if he's concerned or annoyed. But I think he's learning to love him. 

---p/c Cory Kendra

 "HELP!!! The fluffy beast is touching me!!!" ---p/c Kelsey Hart 

We've also had lots of awesome visitors bring us meals and other goodies over the last few weeks and we are so thankful for all of the company and joy people are sharing with us. Our families come over all the time and, needless to say, they are obsessed. We all are.

on our first family walk around the neighborhood.

Everyone has also been asking about Tina. She is amazing and we've actually visited each other a few times in the last month. She is healing well and our visits are always awesome. Her kids absolutely love Mateo. She's been a continued blessing in our life and I am still trying to wrap my head around it all. I think that might take me a lifetime.

Luis:

So I have to admit that that there is a big difference in what I knew love was before and after Mateo. I think about this guy everyday, in all moments. I have been able to get out a bit more than Erika by golfing and going to basketball practice. However, being physically apart does not stop me from thinking about how he is doing, has he slept, did he eat, is he happy, was he crying. This bundle of a human has hijacked me. I love it.

watching soccer together.

I have been proactive in being as involved as possible. Not to be some super dad or to impress the wife with my skills, but to be there for my family. Half the battle of being a father is just being there. As Erika mentioned, we have done a great job working together so far. I hope to continue learning what Mateo and Erika need from me. It is a new and growing relationship for all three of us.

He loves Dumbo.

Being a dad as of now is exactly how I envisioned it. I have told people who have asked how is it going, by responding, "Eat, Sleep, Poop." Which Erika told me is the title of an actual baby book.
My most fearful part of this early stage was not knowing the routine, but by now we kinda know what to expect and have started to pick up on those small noises and cues of his, Mateo's attempt at communicating to us. His hand movements remind me of the SNL skit the with boss who has the body of a baby. And I'd be lying if I said I haven't already acted out my own version, impersonating Mateo and lack of arm control.

Luis loves wearing him.

Perhaps the most difficult part has been trying to stay awake late at night on the rocker as he goes to sleep. Mateo's sleeping routine is my favorite. It starts with his head rocking back and forth, left to right, then slowly his eyes start to roll behind this eye lids, and it finishes with him giving us a milk drunk smile, as he squeaks out sighs of happiness.

early morning smiles.

---p/c Kelsey Hart

---p/c Cory Kendra

---p/c Kelsey Hart

    

"Mateo, you've been the most exciting part of our day, every day for the last month. Watching you start to recognize and respond to us has brought us both so much joy and we absolutely delight in all that you do. Still excited for the lifetime of days ahead and to watch you grow at lightning speed. I only wish that I could stop time to make sure that I am fully absorbing each of these moments with you. There are so many that sometimes I feel like it's all happening at once!" ---excerpt from a letter to our baby

Early morning hangouts. I never used to be a morning person. I am now.

         

---p/c Cory Kendra

                                   

Meet Mateo

Mateo Luis Perales  "Teo"  Born: June 7th 2016 at 8:41am  Weight: 7lb 11oz  Height: 20" 3/4

Erika:

The night before Mateo entered our lives, we'd finally let go of any bits of stress or worry, and we finally felt "ready" to meet Baby Perales. (I swear that even after meeting him, I just kept calling him Baby. It felt weird, at first, calling him by his name.) The week before, I felt nauseous even thinking about finally becoming parents. But that morning, when we got the call, the ish really got real!

Luis: 

In the fog of half asleep and half awake I know as the pre alarm early morning, I stretched my hand out searching the bed franticly for the buzz of an alarm. Erika’s phone was the culprit, but in this case it was not the alarm that set off the noise but two missed messages from Tina. From what I remembered it went something like, counting contractions ……headed to hospital. I softly tapped Erika on the shoulder with the phone. She was not happy. As a matter of fact she said in a code yellow voice “stop. tapping. me.” As soon as I mentioned it was from Tina. The whites of her eyes lit the room. It was go time. 

On the drive to the hospital I felt calm, positive and open minded to how everything was going to play out. No expectation. I was just going to let the birth come to me.

This song started playing as we pulled up to the hospital.

It then continued playing on our ride home from the hospital.

This was the Chet Baker version from a mix CD a dear friend gave us. 

Things don’t always happen as we plan. In a seemingly short three hour span of doctors coming in asking questions, typing up forms on the computer and offering a variety of possible scenarios, I could tell by the tone of their voices, this was not going to go as planned. The seriousness of childbirth smacked me in the face. No one ever said the words that baby or Tina were in danger, but in the back of my head I thought it. As quickly as we got to the hospital, the doctors prepared Tina for the operation. In an unplanned scenario, Erika was allowed in the operating room with Ricky.  I was left to sit and wait 4 feet from the door. 

Erika: 

The decision to let me go back there was very unexpected. The nurses decided, last minute, to give me an extra set of scrubs so that I could be there to witness the birth of our baby. I didn't even have time to think. If I could compare it to something, it kind of felt like pushing me out of an airplane without being told how to use the parachute.

Tina's husband and I were directed as to where we could be during the surgery. I stood by, tense and quiet, watching and waiting on the "action side" of the partition. There were a lot of doctors in there and I didn't really have a clear view. But the second I saw baby's little knee, my heart stopped and I totally lost it.  Before I knew it, they lifted baby up and a nurse called out, "What do we have?!" Then the doctor announced, "It's a boy!" They were holding Mateo. 

...I don't know how I stayed standing in those first moments. 

Once they had him wiped down, I was motioned to come over and trim the chord. Totally not mentally prepared for that. We'd always discussed that Luis would be doing that part. So I shakily held the scissors and cut through the chewy tube. They then carried him over so Tina and her husband could meet him. I only wish she could have seen me see him for the first time. Through the rush of all of the stuff that went down in the hospital, Tina was always calm and focused. It really helped me to see her have such peace.

They then wrapped him up and handed him to me. I could not believe it. I was looking at my baby. I was holding my son. 
Whaaaaaa....? 

The next thing I got to do was walk out of the room and introduce him to Luis.

Luis: 

Before Erika came out I cried…. I cried not for sadness or fear. I cried for joy. The tears, conversations, frustrations, dreams and prayers given to this moment and to this little life was about to make its way into the world. In a few minutes, I would be a father. I had passed the time softly whispering the names that we planned. They were both beautiful. I knew the operation was over as several doctors started to open and leave the room. Two or three had walked by and said some positive comments “baby has a really good cry,” “everything went well,” “ they will be right out.” 

Erika gingerly walked through the door holding our little baby and she managed to get out the words, "here is our baby Mateo." 

Words would be inadequate to express the feeling of seeing your baby for the first time. I think the most important thing that came from that moment was the realization that I could no longer say would be. I can now write I am a father. I am a dad. I have a son.

Our first selfie. He had a small fever, so we hung out in the nursery for a few hours.

We then spent the next few days in NICU so he could get treated for a possible infection.
It felt like a lifetime.

                                      

Having Mateo finally disconnected from all of the wires and monitors from NICU was the most fantastic thing! He was finally ready to come home!!!

Finally in his own bed.

This is a page from Sophia's Broken Crayons,
the book I gave Tina's kids which explained everything so beautifully.

Since that first day, we've just been chillin at home. We're a happy little family, just figuring out this new life.

Yesterday at his first pediatrician appointment! The doctor said he's perfect! 

Happy One Week!!!

He's my new accessory.

First family photo.

Oh wait! We forgot somebody!!!

Poh-fection.

"It's been a week and we still cannot believe you're here! We've already endured so much together in just that short time. Tears, tests, midnight freak outs, even earthquakes. Every time we look at you, we are in awe of who you might become. We'll look back at these first moments as if they were from another lifetime, but we plan on soaking up every second with you. I want time to freeze and somehow live in these moments forever. But I know that over the days and years to come, we're going to have many more amazing moments together. And we'll just continue to breathe as we watch you grow and as we fumble through this new life as parents."
---excerpt from a letter to our baby


Arlene recorded this real quick of us showing Mateo the world, while also calming him down after a cry in the hallways. "We're pretty good."

Untitled from Erika Perales on Vimeo.