All at once

 Erika:

Well, November came and went. It was just over a year ago that I posted my out loud wonderings about what the future might hold for our family in “It’s Time to Talk.” At the time I knew nothing, but we had hope and faith that something would come together. 

Fast forward one year and 8 posts later, here we are.

November was a month filled with moments of joy, grief, anxiety, and gratitude. And I don't know how it is that our bodies have the capacity to feel all of these things at once, but we do. Or at least I do. It's hard to compartmentalize all of these emotions because so many things have seemed to be happening simultaneously. And while I want to be fully focused on Lil Perales, reality doesn't allow for that.

However, it does allow me to utilize the moments of joy and gratitude that I've been able to experience this month to combat those feelings of grief and anxiousness, truly helping to sustain us during this unrelenting year. 

The parallels between 2020 and 2016 are both beautiful and tragic, and the post "In the Mess and the Miracles" reflects just that.” 

“As angry, resentful, and helpless as I know we all felt at times throughout this incredibly difficult and unpredictable year, I can't help but look back and see all of the joy, hope, and healing that this year brought us."  

So, I'm feeling it all, acknowledging pain and worry, but forcing myself to reframe my thoughts to focus on any bits of good news and hints of hope.

I’ve seen miracles in the mess.

So I'm holding onto that.

This is the tiny bear booty I bought for my dad when he was in the hospital in Mexico in 2016, five months before Mateo was born. 

I gave it back to him this November, five months before baby number two.

"Baby, you are a true miracle and such a reminder of hope and possibility. You have already brought such joy into our lives and you aren't even here yet! Seriously, the smiles I have seen on the faces of your Papa, Nana, and your big brother are more than I can handle and I know those smiles will be magnified in just a few short months, once they get to hold you in their arms."

---excerpt from a letter to our new baby

Baby news made them both SO happy.